I'm Hyperventalating: A Movie Review?

SO....anyone out there that may have been reading this over the past 8 months or so might have noticed my slow loss of faith in humanity. I just about lost it this morning (ok, it was one o'clock) when I was told that a mutual friend of mine was just offered $500 to take an online class for someone else in order for this person to graduate from the University of Colorado (and I actually hope that someone from the university board of regents catches wind of this). I don't know if this kid is a complete moron, just lazy, or has grown up with so much wealth that he has completely lost connection with the U.S. dollar. Either way, this statement nearly gave me an anurism, I could feel my eyeballs actually attempting to escape from my skull, and for a second my grey matter felt mushy. I happen to be proud of myself for graduating from school, but when I look around at the general population of bumbling idiots in this town, I continue to devalue my own diploma. I didn't come from a wealthy background, but I managed to work enough to eat and drink while my parents helped me out some with tution and rent. I guess it is true what they say, the bachelor's degree is the new high school diploma.

Having said that I watched a fantastic film last night entitled Wristcutters: A Love Story. This morning I found myself actually considering offing myself, in the hopes that I might actually get to live in the purgatory described in the film. This world may have been somewhere between El Paso, TX and Gallup, NM, but at least that world made sense. Everybody was still depressed, but at least they didn't have to live in a world with these nothing people. At least it was a shitty world of complete equality, some sort of Eastern Europe socialist paradise set in the South Western United States. I think I may actually be happy there.

I am pretty sure I am going to go mad if I have to stay here for much longer, the problem is, I just don't know if it will be different anywhere else. Sure I could move to the city, but chances are these same people are just going to grow up, get high-paying executive jobs through their mommy and daddy's connections and continue to live the same worthless existances that still devalue and destroy the utopia I might belive could exist. Fine, I'm over it. Go ahead. Bosco, I hope you move back to the East coast and rot in a cubicle or an office in some downtown money pit that isn't doing any of us any good. The wealth and power you were born with is going to waste and you are a total drag on society. Rot you fucking old money prick, because when you wake up to be 40 years old, I will be standing before you laughting. Just know that I will never be on your side and someday I will become your worst nightare.

Would You Fight a Barracuda Bruddah?

In the expansive sea that is our nation's highway and road system, there is but one predetor. This sleek enemy roams menacingly like a shark in cold, dark water. No vehicle is immune to its attacks, not the semi-whale tractor-truck, not the cheetafish ferrari, or carbon-guzzling Soft Undulating Ventricles. No other vehicle out on the road hides in the shadows ready to pounce upon unsuspecting motorists. No other car can make you stop with a flick of their lights. No other animal will pursue you for fathoms at speeds that could turn a meer mortal into a mollusk.

These Black-and-White Sharks will have you believe that they are out there to protect you from the real predetors out there. OK sure, serve and protect. However I have never seen a drunk driver drive down the freeway at 10 under to ram an unsuspecting motorist off the road, much less check their plate number in a national database. Excuse me, but I don't think it's fair to have my head bitten off for driving within my control (though be it a bit fast for those of you who aren't professional drivers) at night. I don't think it is necessary for my tax dollars to go to a snivelling pig to fall asleep under a road sign just to check up on me.

When driving back from Texas one summer my dad and I were pulled over 3 times, and not once for swerving, reckless driving, or even speeding. Under the guise of terrorism, we were picked up for simply being from out of state. Last I checked, interstate commerce at 3 in the morning is not a crime. These land-sharks of the vast Texas oil fields felt it necessary to impede our progress and try to let a little blood (which surely would have begun a feeding frenzy in Bumfuck, Texas) simply for "not being from 'round here."

Here's what I say: lets fight back. These guys can't be on top of the food chain forever. Even tertiary species have something hunting them whether it be Zombies, The Predetor, or other guys such as yourself. Oh no, we're not taking it anymore.