The Zealot

The Zealot is God’s mailman. He delivers the word no matter the weather, but safety is paramount. He never wears his white robes in the snow and keeps his arms circled in reflective tape while a cycler’s red flashing beacon persists upon his hips. He has no need for an iPod as hip-hop hymns play in his head and he dances to a mental beat. He brandishes his beard with pride, having never shaved since the day he met the lord face to face. Perfect pearly whites are the only things that shine behind the grayed fall of facial hair, and they’re always smiling. Locks of granite hair drip from his brimless churchat bringing the casual observer eye to eye with black rimmed spectacles. His eyes are vacant and see the world only for what it is: a godless and forsaken society that he will be free from come death, and he would like nothing more than to take a few of us down with him (casually of course). He is a sheppard with no sheep.
He shakes his Jesus born cross at the passing traffic and smiles, for he knows. Drivers toot their horns in recognition as he waves them on by. Maybe these people rethink their lives, particularly after they pass the A&W bible quote marquee. Most take it for the spectacle it is and laugh to themselves, only building the hilarity as they approach the Interstate. The Zealot does not see these ones, he is only there for the joy he himself experiences, running a marathon in dance on the side of any street.
Some say he was hit by lightning or dosed himself silly on LSD, but nobody stops to ask unless it be the butt of some inside joke. I don’t stop to ask, I just smile to myself, knowing he is he and I am me and we can be what we want to be.

Bill Counter Found Skimming Off the Top

Brooklyn, NY (IP) – After years of service with the Galandi crime family, SpeedCounter 2100 was found to have been intentionally miscounting the money it was given only to keep a few bills for itself, amounting to up to three hundred per job. The counter was found out after a recent tribute to the don of the New Jersey DiBartolomeo family came out short. The amount was supposed to total two million, but with a single bill missing from each stack of hundreds the Galandi counter stood to make $100,000 on the job. The DiBartolomeo family counter, SpeedCounter 2105, could not be reached for comment, nor could the Ziabatsu Corporation, manufacturer of the SpeedCounter series.

In order to send a message to all electronic bill counters, particularly others under employment with the family, the Galandi’s have been said to have tortured SpeedCounter 2100 before destroying it. Starting with non-essential circuits, the Galandi musclemen worked on it for hours with a soldering iron and a pair of wire cutters. Screams were reported coming from the basement of the Galandi mansion. SpeedCounter 2100 was then found dumped in the East River with a single bullet in its central processing unit.

When asked to comment, New York City Chief of Police Walter McGuiness said, “This is truly a tragedy, but as of yet, legislators have still not passed laws outlawing destruction and torture of electronic devices, now if only they had stolen it…”

No word yet as to the Galandi family purchasing a new counting machine, and they very well may be counting by hand for months to come. The hired thugs killed following the DiBartolomeo’s discovery of the error and shortage, however, were replaced directly after the shooting.

Gimmie some mo'

Whether you like it or not readers, as humans, we are beings of pleasure. Perhaps it is something we have been working towards over the past 10,000 years, or maybe we have always been (not for me to decipher). Are our big fucking brains for something elese, maybe the pleasure is just keeping us complacent, do we embrace it or reject it? Perhaps our focus on pleasure is completely socially based.

I would love the opportunity to see counter examples, but as far as I can see, everything we do is based on some present or future pleasure (that is, beyond the basic rules of survival). Why do we Work?

Yeah, to eat, drink, provide clothing and shelter (thanks nature). But it is really beyond that. What is success but this idea that you can sometime in the future access all the dopomine your brain can handle. Make some money this year so that some day you can buy your mini-mansion on the hill. Maybe after that you can fly to Bali and do nothing but sit back and enjoy life (though from the outside perspective, I have seen plenty of vacationers that are doing the exact opposite).

As a working College student I have seen the short term effects of dopomine use. Make enough money so that you can buy that bag/bottle/camera/television/album/movie/ticket/trip/experience/whatevermakesyouhappy. Make enough money that you can go out to the bar to find that sexual experience/relationship/comraderie/experience you are looking for. And really what is a relationship with another person (sexual or otherwise), but a long term chemical dependancy?

Tangent: Isn't it funny that those "squares" out there refer to most drugs as dope? Is that perhaps a word that has its root in the word dopamine, the chemical in our brains that triggers pleasure centers. Are foods, wines, human contact, drugs (illicit or not), fresh air, cold water, sports, urination, television, music, visual art, and other worldly powers (yeah, I'm talking to you Jesus/Mohammad/Moses/Buddha/Krishna/Confucious/etc) nothing but "drugs" meant to enhance the human experience? "Dope" if you will?

If these are just distractions meant to pass the time from life to life, than what the hell are we living for? Is that really all there is, this seventy year (plus) dopamine trip, passing the time from generation to generation? Pleasure beings dominating a planet in some sick Bacchus experiment. Just how much can a carbon-based being tolerate. If this is the direction that we are taking, I don't want to live in the world beyond this one.

Can you imagine a race of peoples that do nothing but sit around having thier over-sized brains trickled by the French tickler of their own design? Maybe this overstimulation is exactly what we need, a built up tolerance by the overuse of what may be distracting us from the purpose of humanity. If dopomine is evolution, than I quit (yeah right, junkies never really quit).

Huh?

They must really layer it on, because I still smell like a stripper.

But in all seriousness, lets talk about the debate. I'll be honest about this, it was the final one, and the only one I saw (except for the vice-debate, damn that Palin is sexy, eh?). Sorry, got sidetracked by iTunes (Damn you Mr. Jobs) and this Genius, that is apparantly learning from what I have taught it (we shall see). Ok, fuck you I already know what I want to listen to.


Ok, on to the debate then. What was up with that line separating the candidates? Kept changing, perhaps due to the background. Ok, fine, but really distracting. McCain's facial expressions were priceless, a thousand smirks are worth only a few words. It was like watching me try my best not to blow my load, but in this case there was nothing but weak economic policy and social ethics behind it. Not that I can say much for the rediculous grin of Obama's that is a conservative cartoonist's wet dream. Well, at least he tried to address the question at hand.

I don't want to vote for a candidate that does nothing but attack the (man) guy who he calls the attacker. You have boiled down the American voter to someone who actually listens to the ads you put out there (and the "Average 'Joe Plumber/Sixpack/Electrition/Factory Worker' TV viewer [who may or may not be buying into your bullshit in the first place]). Get past the fact that the American political system has been reduced to the same thing that CBS relied on eight years ago (Survivor), and talk about what actually matters.

That fucking smell keeps invading my nostrils, which makes me think of nothing but Sarah Palin. (Those tricky think tank bastards.) But we have gotten over that, right? (I hope so.)

What I really wanted to talk about was the asthetics of the debate itself. And first off, who the fuck was doing the camera work. Hopefully, the camera man for Obama was drugged and was recriuted by the upper eschelons of CBS. This guy just couldn't keep the darker candidate in frame. However, McCain's spastic facial expressions seemed to stay in perfect focus (hey, maybe it worked out for the better).

Quick focus on that educational issue. Way to bring it down to D.C. Not only is it the worst local education in the country, but why the fuck did you want to bring the focus there McCain? Do you actually believe that anyone else believes that your (adopted) kids actually went to (charter) schools in that district? Come on, they are more priviledged than anyone can imagine, so stop trying to convince us that they are just Joes (and that goes for you too Obama). Stop trying to "fix" the educational system unless you are actually willing to rely on it yourselves.

And that goes for the "healthcare system" too. Great, Barack, you have this plan to allow all of us to buy into the Federal Employee System that all government employees have the option to buy into. But let's be realistic, you wouldn't buy your family into this program in a million years. Just admit that you have your own twenty-five thousand dollar plan and move on. Who the fuck do you think you are kidding. If you want to move this country towards a Socialist state, just fucking admit it. Stop being a fucking poilitician and start being an honest and consious human being.

I know the voting population can't handle the truth, fuck, the majority of this country can't handle the truth. These ramblings of a crack head (probably) aren't the truth, but for fuck's sake, don't we deserve it? The fringe vote won't have it, but I would rather have another four years of Buche government than have another pair of candidates that can't tell their constituancies the truth (in the moment of truth).

I'm not editing this before I post it. It is a stream of consiousness that attempted it's formulation over five hours ago. This is not to be takin(') lightly, but it could probably use some editing.

This is actually being published onto the internet right now

Hey Hey who would of thought.

(The pen would have been the downfall of civilzatlition fuck fuck fuck fuck fucxking shits on my fucking mind civixzations is fuckced becasuse4 leslie is destrouing my ideeeeees of whaaaat is right an rooojg. We alss gonna die bcvus us ares right wrong withs mys minds. I’s frprm Scandandanaviasu ya. So ghoes fucks yourseflfceves now.)

Sinceerly,
Who the fuck do you think you ar anywai

(Editors note: Published with multiple people looking over the shoulder of an idealist that could barely comprehend reality, much less what was actually being thrown onto a keyboard. I hate you guys, I'm really seriously, get the fudge out.)