19 August 2008

The Cyber Protection Racket

Popups are annoying, I'll try not to tell you anymore than you don't already know. Roadsigns that lead only to tourist traps trying to rob passersby of their addresses and telephone numbers. Distractions from the Superhighway Internation Four: enticing you in Wyoming with cheap ice cream; or offering you free porn at a Kansas truck stop; or absolution of sin by a North Texas ordained zealot; or a free icamodieaphone for a few favors on an Arkansas farm. Windows to peer into but never touch with your Microsoft™ Hand®.
Most of my popups are blocked by my browser, like a surgical mask that the Chinese wear every time they go to Beijing. For some reason however, I do get a Netflix free trial ad every time I log into my paid Netflix account, a biproduct of the antibodies I recieve I suppose. I try to keep my system reasonably clean to avoid popup ad in the first place and these "germs" they bring with them.
And it was through my own dilligence in keeping the 'ole laptop going that I came across the worst popup I have ever encountered, the very program set in place to keep the computer safe. The police of my system slowly going corrupt. The contractors I gladly invite into my hard drive, extort me with bells and beeps to remind me that I'm not paying them enough.
StopSign runs its own scans and opens browsers without asking just so it can let me know what it can do for me, like some door-to-door salesman let past the door by an unsuspecting and rather lonely elderly woman. McAffee is so far up my operating system's ass that it's got Bill Gates telling me in person that my computer is not fully protected, not until I slide a check across the table. The mob has my capacitors in a vice grip threatening me with worms, trojans, adware, and identity theft until I pay for the protection.
I'm not here to make any assumptions, but in order to stop viral agents that cruise the fiber-optic waves of information, wouldn't you need to know at least as much about these programs as the rouge writers who themselves create chaos for profit? Who is really writing the next big outbreak that will victimize thousands of unprotected computer users? Just some juice for thought.
And as I drift off to sleep listening to the sweet sounds of digitally provided post-rock, I know that I will probably once again be pierced by yet another misplaced chime.






I want my Microsoft™ Hand® to be a different gesture.

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