Popemobile unsafe in a 35 m.p.h. barrier crash test

Not only is the Pope against contraceptives, but vehicle safety. On his recent visit to the United States Pope Benedict Arnold XIV renounced seat belts in cars. The controversy began when the Holy Father refused to put on his safety belt in the back of the Popemobile, though Mecedes installed a special belt made of a holy relic said to have been worn by Jesus Christ himself. The Pope said to his Archbishop "Che la cintura di sicurezza è troppo unconfortable ed esso giusti fa i miei abiti legare in su. Inoltre, questa cosa va soltanto come cinque miglia all'ora. (That seat belt is just too unconfortable and it makes my robes bunch up. Besides, this thing only goes like five miles an hour.)"

Mercedes, sole manufacturer of the Popemobile, was actually the first automobile manufacturer to install safety belts in any of its cars. Seat belts have been mandatory in all cars in the United States since December 1, 1984. But that doesn't mean everybody wears them. Though they have been proven to save lives in the course of fatal accidents, many Americans still refuse to wear them. In Colorado, not wearing your belt is a secondary traffic offense, that is, a ticket can be issued, but only after a primary offense (you can't get pulled over for not having your seat belt buckled).

In the face of a nationwide "Click-It or Ticket" campaign to try to enforce seat belt laws, this Papal blunder seems to be disproving infallibility once again.

In a special April 20th press conference, political activist Ralph Nader stumbled out from under a NORML anti-marijuana prohibition rally to make a statement against the pope. "A lotta people look up to this guy," stammered Nader, "and for him to publicly refute the laws of this country in front of millions of New Yorkers and television viewers across the nation, uh, that's just not good, you know?" Nader has been a staunch proponent of the seat belt laws since there inception and personally refused to ride in any car that was not a Mercedes prior to the law's signing.

Surely we can't allow the head of one of the world's largest morality institutions to get away with this kind of behavior. Surely we can't give fuel to young Catholic children who already refuse to sit in their child safety seats and wear their seat belts. Raise your voices in public outcry and hold our world leaders accountable for their own behavior. Wear your seat belt Pope!